Let’s do the math, shall we? I have 3.8 pounds to lose before I hit that milestone of 50 pounds lost. That’s it. It’s that simple. I’m so excited! I’m also so scared!

I’m going to use my directions from Coach Kathy on handling this.

I noticed I was thinking that I’m falling into the same pattern of sabotaging myself when I get close to an important milestone.

Why am I thinking this? Over the weekend, after I realized how close I am not just to 50 gone, but out of the 300s, I started letting the overeats happen. It wasn’t major, but it was off plan and opposite of my goals. Like the giant bag of popcorn. Only 40 calories a cup, which is great, if you bother to portion it! I wasn’t though. I was shoving it in my mouth by the handfuls, looking for something. Looking for safety.

I notice I am thinking that is what safety is, but there are more questions to be asked. Safety from what?

From failing. From disappointing anyone. From anyone having expectations from me. See, I went public with this. Not only have I told the NoBS population, but I made sure the Queen knows it too. I’ve let her know I’m going to give her my 50th pound for her 50th birthday. Jen knows. Corky and Kim. E’s aware. That’s a lot of special people who know and I might as well disappoint them now than string it out.

Wait! Stop! Back that truck up!

Disappoint???

First of all, the only one who disappointment should matter to is me.

Secondly, the only way I can disappoint anyone is by not trying. If I’m following my plan and working out, but lose 3 pounds, not one person is going to say “gee Karen, what the fuck happened? Fucking failure! Why’d you even try?”

Thirdly (is that right? It’s not third of all, I know that!) I have all of July to lose this. Drop it like it’s hot goes the whole month and it’s the 2nd. Let’s put the brakes on this moving the scale in the wrong direction!

Lastly, how about the fact that I want this! I want this for me, not because of what anyone else thinks. I want to get there to prove not only that I can, but that I can go beyond. I’ve passed this milestone twice before in the past. Once with my screwed-up eating disorder and once with WW. Obviously, those times were not sustainable, or I wouldn’t be facing a third time. This time? Oh how different it is. My thoughts around weight loss and eating are different. Even the thought about the numbers is different. While 50 pounds is an amazing achievement, I’m going to be as proud of that pound as I was my first pound lost with NoBS. That’s the difference this time. Each pound is a step on the ladder and reassurance that I am investing in the work, both mental and physical.

Wait a minute. I don’t need those pounds as proof. They are still just a byproduct of the work I’ve done. And I have done the work. I’m not done with the work, I will never be done with the work, but I have kept my promise to myself to use NoBS to my fullest advantage. Plus there is all the thought work that comes with working with E and lifting. I absolutely love how they feed off each other. E doesn’t even know he has the attitude of a NoBS coach, but I am very aware of how his messages overlap.

I’ve got this. I’m doing it. I am going to be halfway to the century club this month! Soon the first number of my weight is going to change too. The anticipation is electric for me, and the excitement is over the moon. I’ll practice patience while I keep moving steadily forward.