It’s not getting better

Karen

First off, this is not about looking for praise or reassurance, it’s purely about what’s in my head right now.

As hard as I look at these pictures, I don’t see one bit of difference in the size of my body and it’s letting Shady Karen resurface and become a bigger bitch than she’s ever been. I’ve made the list of the changes that can’t be photographed. I reached out to Coach Kristi since I’m doing one on one coaching with her and she suggested separating my physical body from my worth. That’s not doing it either for me. I know I’m a damn good person, I know I deserve so much, I know I give so much, and I know I love who I am, but….

Here, let me tell you what Shady Karen has to say:

Listen, I know you’ve done a lot of mental work over the last year and you’re so much stronger for it. I also know you’ve done a ton of working on your actually body, but let me tell you, it doesn’t show.

Girl you look just as fat as you did last year! No one in the world would believe you’ve even spent a second working on yourself looking at this! Seriously, a whole fucking year and this is your crowing glory? To still be as fucking huge as you’ve ever been? I know, I know, you feel stronger now, pedaling is so much better, you’re lifting such huge amounts of weight, but let’s face it. You’re a fat fuck, you’ll always be a fat fuck, and you’re wasting your time and your money trying to be anything else. You can believe whatever you want in your head but pictures don’t lie. Just wait until September when everyone gets to see you in person and be as disappointed in you as you are! Just give up and accept you are a dumpster fire that is never going to be put out.

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Published by Karen

10 thoughts on “It’s not getting better”

  1. Karen-Tell Shady Karen to STFU! You are doing so much better than you are giving yourself credit for. Have you taken your measurements? Noticed anything else that is an improvement? You need to shut Shady Karen down. Don’t let her squash the joy you’ve been feeling. I see a very different Karen and you’re badass!!

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    1. I’ve taken all that into account, it’s merely the image I see and the frustration of not being able to see a difference. Yes, I know I’m a completely different person inside and I’m so much stronger, but damn I wanted to see the results visually!

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      1. when I lost 100 pounds I couldn’t see that looked any different. It can take a while. You have a lot of folks rooting for you and want the best for you.

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    2. thank you! I think it was just the disappointment of wanting the outside to show all the work I’ve been doing and feeling like there’s no change.

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  3. Boy our minds can wreak some havoc on our souls, yes? I feel this post to the very bottom of my toes. I think the trick is to fall in love with the mental changes, the strength changes and the perspective changes. The body changes will come in their due time and it will be all at once like BAM!!! But, it won’t matter as much, cause you will already be so in love with and best friends to the person you have become that it will only be icing on the cake.

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  4. I know it is hard but do not believe or feed Shady Karen. You are doing an outstanding job with your weightloss journey. Shady Karen is acting like a toddler and that is it. You can do this and just keep going forward. Do not let Shady Karen get the best of you. Youare becoming a new and improved Karen who takes care of yourself. You go girl!!

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