All my life I have been shaped by my mother’s opinions and judgements of me. I’ve worked so hard through therapy and NoBS to get where I am and I feel like I just climbed over another mountain, finding a new land.

I’ve gotten to where I am no longer hurt by her words, but they still make me so very angry. I think of how many times I’ve turned on myself as a result of her words and it is so sad. Today I learned that my brother reacted as I have in the past to her words and over ate in response. I am fighting tears for him and the pain he is going through, but towards her I just feel anger.

If you’re going to try and justify her behaviors, kindly just leave now. No, she didn’t have a rotten childhood. She has not had a hard life. She never went without nor suffered valid injustices, only the ones she made up in her mind. There is no justification! If you want to use that as an excuse for her behavior, then I have the right to be the biggest fucking asshole on the planet!

Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter why. I don’t need to spend any more energy trying to answer that question. Why? Because that’s who she is and that’s how she acts. Period.

To look at my brother who’s lost almost 50 pounds and tell him he looks bigger than ever is plain, fucking, cruel. Saying anything differently, trying to reason her motive, or trying to smooth it over somehow is pointless and will not be tolerated.

Plus I do not care!

I’ve lived my life defined by the parameters of a subpar, trash can of a person. She hasn’t been just a pathetic mother, she’s a rancid person. I can’t even find the words to describe her lack of worth as a human.

It doesn’t matter. I am done.