I posted in NoBS today about my red lipstick experiment and trying to figure out what sexy means. I’m opting for spicy, as opposed to sexy, because that’s easier for me to define.
One of my NoBS sisters (Dorine) asked if I’d looked at old pictures of myself to see the change. I hadn’t. I mean, I’ve looked at my progress photos now and then, but not a study like this.
I’ll admit it. I was shocked. Honestly a bit overwhelmed! It’s not just about the size of my head either, it’s something more. There is something in the look that I have now. While it’s only a year and a few months difference in age, I can see a maturity of sorts in the way I carry myself now. Not mature in the old person grown up way, but more of the acceptance and knowledge of what life is about.
I know the changes in my thinking. I know the woman in the older picture hadn’t started her NoBS adventure yet, but she was working on changing herself and her thinking with therapy. She knew no matter what her path, it involved “fixing her head.”
15 months later and her head isn’t fixed, but her knowledge of how it operates has changed. Karen today knows the voices in her head. She knows how they work (most of the time) and she’s learning how to use and answer all of them.
It is bizarre but beautiful that I can see my confidence today. I see the me that has embraced this path and is going to go as far as it takes her. I see the me that says “I believe in me and that’s all that matters.”
This doesn’t mean it is all smooth sailing. I know there are a lot of choppy waters ahead, but it’s ok. I’m going to make it through.
Some days I look at my body and think “is it ever going to happen?” but today I see the woman I am and realize it’s happening. Oh baby is it happening!
Towards the Oak Tree 