Shady Karen gets sneakier

Last night was just a cluster fuck of eating.

• 5 cookies
• 2 corn dogs
• tater tots
• triscuits
• mango sorbet

This was all at dinner time. I tried talking to myself in a kind way through it. You don’t want this. This isn’t getting you towards your goal. What are you trying to push down with food? You’d be so proud if you stopped now.

None of it worked. I couldn’t name an emotion either. I tried to search my soul for a reason and had nothing besides I never felt like I had enough. It wasn’t until I took my vitamins and drank a bunch of water that the feeling of “ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh there we are” hit me. I even texted my bestie after and told her how I had no clue what was behind this.

I didn’t eat anything else after tossing the sorbet in the garbage. It wasn’t that impressive, which was also a dialogue I had while eating, so I figured why leave it in the house to see if it’s better the next time. I went to bed about my normal time, slept fine, and got up with my alarm as scheduled.

It wasn’t until I was pouring my coffee that Shady Karen spoke up. It was odd, her voice was very calm and matter of fact.

You know you can’t do this.

Yes I can.

No, your way isn’t going to work. They did it, but you can’t.

It was very odd hearing her voice so clear and calm that she could have been standing next to me.

So that’s what last night was all about? You’re telling me my path isn’t the right one? That my friends weight losses are proof mine won’t happen?

I swear I could feel the smugness radiating off her. I kind of ended up smiling though because she was like a bully who didn’t get noticed, so she had to point out what she did. I’m thankful though, since that means I can put a hard stop to it now.

I remember last month that Corinne told me Shady was going to get louder because she didn’t want to die and I’m her assassin. I don’t think I was aware that she would morph into a ninja and sneak in the cracks. I will keep going. If anything, she proved that I will not get lost for weeks in a cycle wondering what the hell is going on.