Better with my emotions

Mom called this morning and once again the floodgates of negative memories opened up.

She told me how the CNA folded her laundry instead of putting it on hangers. Of course mom’s response was to berate the poor kid while telling her how much she pays and how she deserves things done right.

Mom then complained to the supervisor that the girl is dumb. The supervisor told mom that wasn’t nice and mom replied she didn’t tell the girl, she told the supervisor.

I listened and said nothing. Talk about a long, awkward silence. I thought of a lot of things I could say, but it’s pointless. She didn’t want to talk much after that, which is the only good thing.

The way she told me she talked to the CNA was a flashback to her treatment of me. With her there is one way to do things, hers. As a child it was the verbal attack and sometimes a physical one.

I am proud that I didn’t let it color my whole day. I ended up taking a drive to just clear my head.

It did spur quite a discussion with my bestie. We both feel like we are still trying to discover our true selves independent of parental judgment.

I know my house is my first time of figuring my tastes. I’m still trying to find my style. I’m working on being comfortable in my skin.

I will get there. I’m learning!