This morning I feel so positive about where I am going. Even looking in the mirror, I was like “yeah girl, it’s happening!” I didn’t take a picture, because that always seems to not mesh with my view in the mirror and I decided today I wanted to stick with my “yeah girl!”

Today I really feel the me that is to be lurking inside me. I can picture myself this fall moving with more ease. I can see myself accomplishing more. I don’t even know what has spurred this vision, but I adore it.

I’ve had so many visual images come through. Like getting into the car and having the seat belt be so much easier to put on, more room in the seat, and even moving it up more. I feel like I’m going to reach a place where I just move through my day like a hot knife through butter. Weird thing to think, but I know that ease is coming. Oddly enough I don’t have a real image of what my body looks like. Smaller. That’s about it.

Truth is I know what is coming with my body, as far as the results of losing the fat holding my skin out. I know I am going to have saggy, floppy skin. I don’t care and that’s not part of the image I see when I think of my freedom of movement. I see it more like I’m going to have a body that moves with flow and energy.

What has brought this on? The one thing I think is that I have finally become accepting of who I am, how people feel about me, and more importantly, how I see my own worth. I am finally starting to be proud of myself without putting conditions on it.

Yesterday I met with Bridge Troll to work on a project. I was funny from the start, because I was the one who made the offer to my boss to do this with BT, despite the horrid person she is. No, I didn’t give myself the task to make myself miserable, but to the contrary, I did it because I know my capabilities and reputation. I am willing to go through some things with BT and if she fucks it up, everyone will know it’s on her. Tooting my own horn here, but I have hired and trained our most valuable employees, so I know my shit.

After my boss talked to her about the project, she sent me an email about how boss approached her about working on this project and suggested she include me. Funny how he approached her to include me in the project I offered to do!

She started the meeting expressing her excitement and how it was a long time coming that two great minds be brought together. Tongue bitten as I wanted to say “well, at least one!”

It turned out to be me going through the documents, explaining why they were or were not relevant, and me also explaining the process to her, as she was not aware of most of them. Two great minds, yet one kept saying “oh, I didn’t know that!” Big Suprise BT, big surprise.

After we made it through that section of documents, it was time for the historical narrative of BT’s journey to our library. Oh what a riveting tail. Equaled only by watching paint dry! The only good parts were when I was able to throw in things like “that’s exactly why I chose not to get my master’s in library science, I didn’t want to deal with that crap. It’s a shame, because I would have done so well, but I refuse to spend a life playing political games.”

Perhaps the most amusing thing was when she was bragging about how soon she was going to retire. “Oh Karen, I’m so happy I only have 2 1/2 years left, I feel so fortunate that’s coming! Plus, then I’ll be out of everyone’s hair (insert self-depreciating chuckle)”

“Oh that’s good BT, I’m so fortunate I’m leaving sooner! I’m so blessed to be able to retire at 56!”

Apparently this is something she feels a need to compete with as well, as she instantly decided she is now going to check into all her various retirement plans and see if she can retire next summer too! I swear, if she tried to get them to throw a joint retirement party for the two of us, someone is going face first into the cake! Clue, it’s not me!

Oddly enough, as fake as she is, I left our meeting feeling even better about myself. Mostly because I’m not like her. I’m not anything like her. I don’t need to regale others with stories about how valued I am. She told me how many places called her and begged her to work for them. (Where are they now, hmmm?) I could have countered with how I knew 20 years ago that I was being groomed for the position I am in now, but who cares? It only matters to me, because I did the work to get here!

At any rate, I see more positive things coming to me in the future! Going through these paces and showing up for myself has been a great example of what I can do. My future is bright!