Writing out what is going on in my head pulled out the truth.

I’m mourning the loss of my work place being a positive part of my life. It hit me that the message I’ve been given at work is “you are not important and we don’t have your back.”

If it sounds familiar, it’s the exact message I was raised with from mom.

But like mom, I only owe the minimum. Same issue again. I identify as a team player. A fixer. Problem solver. I’m able to anticipate issues and act accordingly.

For what?

Bridge Troll does as she pleases with no consequences. I work for people who take “too fun” as a valid complaint and act accordingly to squelch that.

The last hire we had has proven she can’t do parts of her job. Specifically a part that was supposed to aid the department. I was on the interview committee. Her answers to my questions proved she had no clue of entry level basics, yet “on paper she has everything!” 20% of her job, the part that was to alleviate my workload, has been cut out of her job. She makes $18k more, for me to do a chunk of her job.

I really thought my boss was different, but he’s not. He doesn’t have my back. This was proven when he cracked a “joke” at the meeting I used to lead. He made it sound like BT and I were equal in our actions and complaints. He joked that he knows our conflict and we could “fight it out.”

Today I took the problems I usually solve and dumped them on the higher ups. I’m going to start remembering it’s not in my pay grade. I have to get used to not giving of myself. It’s honestly parallel to mom. I can give and give, but at what expense?

They don’t suffer. I do. I don’t deserve that. I’m finding joy now in the realization that in 2 1/2 years the department will be my boss, incompetent new hire, and BT.

Admin has made it clear I’m replaceable. My boss has asked for a year’s notice of my retirement so he can get as much out of me as he can. The neat thing is that I don’t have to do that! I can let him know about 2 months before I leave and as a bonus I can make him keep it confidential! Not even admin would be privy!

Am I that petty?

Well, my dad worked for the same university and he told his coworkers he was retiring 2 days before he did. Someone asked him on Monday if he had any plans to retire and his answer was “Wednesday.”

I always knew he worked for assholes in his department and was glad I didn’t. Fooled me! Assholes as far as the eye can see!

March 31, 2026 won’t come fast enough! Until then it’s a matter of keeping my head up!